Monday. Back to reality.

And I’m not talking the reality of being at work after being off for four days. I’m talking the anxious thoughts of cancer came flooding back this morning for some reason. Most centered around this whole ordeal of selecting the guy who’s going to poke holes in my pelvic region, root around for the bad ol’ prostate, snip it out of me, and sew everything back together, hopefully, with no leaks or no spare parts left over. “Hmmm… Where does this go??”

I feel like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade: “Choose wisely.” Pick the right chalice, and I live happily ever after; pick the wrong one, and I’m condemned to a hell of peeing in my diapers and never getting a woody again. (Sorry, at some point the conversation had to go down that path—it’s part of my reality.)

A bit dramatic? Perhaps. But that’s the way my mind is operating at the moment.

I know that I need to do this, and I know the chances of the hellish outcome are quite small, and most important, I know that having the surgery will give me the best chance of long term survival, so all of this should be a no-brainer.

I guess part of this anxiety may be realizing that selecting a surgeon and scheduling a surgery date takes this whole adventure one step closer to the very real. But, as a coworker pointed out at lunch today, it also takes me one step closer to being cancer-free. I have to keep that perspective in mind and let it be the driving force of my thoughts.

She understands, as she’s a cancer survivor herself.

It was really helpful to talk with her today and she helped bring me back to thinking more positively and more logically about the entire thing.

Even amidst all my angst this morning, I did manage to call the second surgeon in Indianapolis and was able to schedule an appointment to see him (Monday, 13 December). Now, I just need to get all of my records sent up to him before then. Somehow, I have a feeling that that won’t be the easiest of tasks.

So the forecast for the next two weeks includes a wintry mix of distraction, emotion, and anticipation. What’s next:

Monday, 6 December – Colonoscopy
Thursday, 9 December – Cincinnati Surgeon Appointment
Monday, 13 December – Indianapolis Surgeon Appointment
Tuesday, 14 December – Toss executive decision making aid (Heads = Cincinnati; Tails = Indianapolis)

Yep. That’s it. I got nothing.

That’s the kind of day it was. Read a book on photography in the morning, played with the photos from Thanksgiving, shopped a little in the afternoon, and relaxed in the evening.

That was my excitement for the day.

Oh. And we’ve exceeded 500 views on this blog. Amazing. Most are from the U.S.; 8 views from France; 3 from Germany; 1 from Denmark; and 1 from Russia. I can explain the 8 from France and 1 from Denmark (traveling coworker) and the 3 from Germany (relatives), but the one from Russia has me stumped. An errant mouse click, perhaps?

“It’s been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon…”

Those of you who listen to humorist Garrison Keillor’s two hour live radio variety show on NPR every Saturday night are familiar with this famous tag line of his. It’s a show that a college buddy introduced me to in the late 1970’s, and, when I remember, will tune in on Saturday nights as I’m doing things around the house.

This week’s episode was broadcast from Cincinnati’s Music Hall, and I had completely forgotten about it being here this weekend. To me, seeing one of his shows in person would be one of those “bucket list” kind of events. Another would have been seeing Harry Carey lead the Cubs’ bleacher bums in “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” during the 7th inning stretch at Wrigley Field. But Harry Carey is long gone, and Garrison—like all of us—is advancing in years and has a finite number of performances left in him.

Having cancer does—as cliché as it seems—force you to reexamine your priorities. Granted, I fully plan on beating this and living long after the demon cancer is gone, but it’s also time that I start living a little more, doing the things that I’ve been reluctant to do or have just simply forgotten to do. Like sitting in Music Hall watching Garrison Keillor’s show.

As far as the nuts and bolts of today are concerned, it was a good day. I went to Indianapolis to do a little Christmas shopping and was amazed that the malls were relatively empty. I guess everyone was out yesterday on “Black Friday,” and they stayed home today. I’d like to say that I came home with a trunk full of gifts, but I didn’t. I did, however, come home with a list of things for myself… J Bad. I know…

I’ll have to admit that this four-day weekend has been a good respite from the last three weeks, but I think that I’ll need to get back into the select-a-surgeon mode, writing out questions to ask the surgeon(s) once I meet them in my appointment(s).

Finally, I had a conversation with a friend who stopped by my sister’s house Thanksgiving night about my upcoming colonoscopy. (Yes, I know… A fine topic after a BIG Thanksgiving dinner…) He’s been putting his off for years because he’s terrified of the idea of—BLUNT CONCEPT WARNING—something going up his butt. Instead of being terrified of that, he should be terrified of not knowing whether he has cancer in him.

So guys, all I can say is, GET OVER IT. With a colonoscopy, at least you’re partially knocked out and won’t feel a thing. And with the ol’ DRE—and the fifteen or so seconds of discomfort of having a finger poke around your rectum—it’s what discovered my tumor and led to further testing, diagnosis, and treatment.

Yes, I know it’s one of those, “If you can’t stand the answer, don’t ask the question” questions, but it can save your life. I’m hoping that my early diagnosis and treatment will save my life so I can see as many goofy concerts or radio shows as I want.

Another short post.  It was a great Thanksgiving with the family and friends.  Of course, today was spent picking over the leftover food and just recovering from the day before.  A relaxing day around the house with family.

All in all, they were two good, worry-free days.  While we never shied away from the topic of cancer, we didn’t dwell on it when we did talk about it, and nor did I even think about the surgeon selection process.  That can wait until Monday.

That’s it for this post.

This will be a short post.  A great Thanksgiving Day with my sister and her family and friends.  Of course, all of us ate far more than we should have.  But is was all so good.  Leftovers in the morning, afternoon, and evening tomorrow!