Today began with a drive to the hospital where I’m having surgery for some pre-surgery tests: EKG, blood work, and urine screening. Of course there was one more round of medical history questions. “When was the last time you stubbed your little toe? When was the last time you had a hangnail?” Okay, maybe not quite that bad. But it seemed like it.

When I was done, I was completely registered for the surgery and the nurse even gave me the little plastic ID bracelet that I’ll have to wear once I’m admitted to the hospital. “Make sure you bring this back on the day of the surgery,” she instructed me. Wow. I guess I just show up, put the bracelet on, get undressed, and lay on the stretcher. I guess that’s efficient.

The rest of the day was spent making sure everything was in place at work for my extended absence.

In the evening, I went to the local watering hole here in town to meet up with an old boss of mine and a few others for a holiday beverage or three. My former boss left the company seven years ago and took a job in North Carolina. It was good to get caught up and hear some of his funny memories of working here.

Well, it’s almost 9:00 p.m. and I should get things organized for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Today was a productive day getting organized for being off work for six weeks. I was able to pull some reference material together, contact lists, etc., for others to refer to while I’m out. I also had an interesting phone call this afternoon with a gentleman from another of our locations.

He needed an assist with something he’s working on, and as we were wrapping up the conversation, I asked what his timeline was for a response. I mentioned that I would be off work on January 4th for surgery and would try to get something to him before then. He inquired about the surgery and when I told him that I had prostate cancer, he opened up. He had been through the same surgery 3 months ago. He shared his story with me and I really appreciated having another patient’s perspective.

I also had to call the FMLA/Short-term Disability (STD—could they possibly not think of a better acronym???) administrators to get that paperwork rolling. The person on the other end of the phone showed little compassion. When she asked why I needed to be out on leave and I told her that I had cancer, she didn’t even bat an eye before tabbing to the next field in her database. Perhaps you become numb hearing everyone’s ailments all day long and my expectations are too high.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment at the hospital for an EKG and some blood work; next week I have two appointments for more pre-surgery screening.

Hopefully everything comes out okay and no one stomps on the brakes to delay the surgery.

Finally, there were no real doubts about my decision today. No second-guessing. No buyer’s remorse.

Time to throw a load of laundry in the washer and get ready for Christmas Eve at my sister’s.

A day of meetings kept me pretty busy and my mind occupied on things other than the upcoming surgery. But when I returned home for lunch, there were two messages on my answering machine—one from the insurance company and the other from the hospital.

The call from the insurance company was interesting. They said that they learned that I’d be an inpatient at t a hospital soon, and that they needed to collect some important information. When I dialed the number that they left, the entire battery of questions that needed to be answered was done with an automated voice recognition system. I didn’t speak to a human once in the entire call, yet I answered everything they needed to know. Isn’t technology wonderful? (Sarcasm.)

The call from the hospital was to schedule some pre-surgery tests—an EKG and some blood tests. Those will occur Thursday morning in Cincinnati.

Later in the afternoon, I had to call the hospital again to preregister for my stay. Again, another battery of questions. I’ve never been asked what my birthday is so many times in my life! 🙂

I’m going to schedule one more meeting with Dr. Cincy to ensure that we’re both on the same page prior to the surgery. As far as I’m concerned at this point, he’s the guy. No more research. No more reading. Move the burden from my shoulders to his and have faith that he’ll give me the best possible outcome.

I feel comfortable with my choice and I don’t feel as though I’m settling. Let’s move forward and take the next step in the process.

Indonesia. France. Germany. Denmark. U.K. Russia. Canada. U.S. I’ve had page views from each of those countries since the launching this blog. Wow.

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Für meine Freunde in Deutschland:

Vielen Dank für Ihren Kommentar. Wenn Sie möchten, senden Sie mir bitte eine E-Mail mit dem Link in meinem Profil. (In der “Über mich” Teil weiter unten.) Wenn Sie dies tun, kann ich dann, um Ihre Kommentare zu antworten.

Und bitte verzeihen Sie mich für mein schlechtes Deutsch.

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Today got off to an early start when I drove to my biofeedback session in Cincinnati. As I was sitting in the waiting room, I was reading my book and it said, “…this is an expensive way for a man to learn how to start and stop his stream, and indeed, critical studies have demonstrated no great benefit to this elaborate and expensive procedure. “ Something reassuring that I needed to read 10 minutes before starting the session.

One thing that did make the session worthwhile is the lesson that I learned about the catheter and drainage bags. It was very informative and gave me a better understanding of what I’m in for.

After that appointment, I had another appointment with my family doctor here in town. I wanted to get her take on the lymph node dilemma—take them out or leave them in. I thought that she might be a bit more committal with her recommendation, but she really wasn’t. “It’s your choice,” she said after explaining some pros and cons. She suggested that it might be of value to talk with an oncologist who deals with prostate patients, and I may take her up on that suggestion. But that leads to another issue which I’ll talk about in a minute.

Needless to say, the events of the morning didn’t exactly put me in a cheerful mood for our Christmas lunch with our team at work. Or for the rest of the afternoon, for that matter. Especially when I read, “…as surgical procedures go, radical prostatectomy remains one of the most delicate, intricate, and flat-out difficult to perform correctly.”

I’ve learned through this whole process that you really do have to educate yourself and be your own advocate. But for those of you who really know me, you know that I can take educating myself to an extreme. At some point, I’m going to have to stop and just take that leap of faith.

But there are still some questions that need to be asked and answered, and I’ll do that. Will I ever get comfortable with the notion of having to go through this? Nope. I need to identify the point at which I can follow the book’s advice:

“Now we’re at a crossroads. Educating yourself is just half the battle—the half you can control. The other half involves a leap of faith: You must find a doctor you can believe in, and then you must be able to accept that doctor’s advice.”

“…Release the burden from your shoulders. Let go and allow the doctor to take over. Spend your energy and strength following that advice, recovering from the treatment, and beating this disease.”

I think I’m getting closer. But I also know that I have until the day before the surgery to change my mind.

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An update: Neither Dr. Indy nor anyone from his staff has yet to contact me with answers to my questions from last Tuesday, with the orders for the pre-surgery physical tests, or the DVD and information packet concerning the procedure.

Okay. I know it’s really the 21st Century, but I finally joined the 20th Century this afternoon. “Huh?” you ask.

Well, you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks… I finally took a couple of my CD’s and ripped some songs from them in MP3 format to upload onto my phone. (Yes, I know… I’m the last guy on the planet to convert to pure digital music.)

Having some tunes available over the next few weeks will be a good distraction.

Speaking of distractions, you would think that I might have turned to television to take me away from my thinking about cancer. Interestingly, that’s not been the case at all. In fact, if I’ve watched more than four hours of television since Day 1, I’d be surprised (aside from listening to the news and weather as I’m getting ready in the mornings).

I took a break from reading “Surviving Prostate Cancer” today. While it’s been very educational, I can only take so much of it at once. I may read a few sections tonight before going to bed.

Tomorrow morning, I head to the urology center to learn how to control my bladder sphincter through biofeedback a session. In other words, I’m being potty trained again. 🙂 Hey, if it helps prevent me from peeing in my pants after the surgery, I’m all for it.

My refrigerator is in need of restocking to get me through the short week, so I need to run off to the grocery store. Plus, you would think that I was smart enough to throw a load of laundry in while I was ripping songs, but noooo… So when I get back, at least one load is going in the wash.

That’s my Sunday!

Another good night’s sleep had me sleeping in until 9:00 AM this morning. Loved it. 🙂 And I didn’t wake up like I did yesterday, and that was good, too.

Once I did get motivated, I was off to the bank and barber shop to get my hair cut for the holidays. My barber is living with prostate cancer, but he’s 73 and has chosen the watchful waiting. Besides, I’m not sure he could stand another surgery. He’s had a kidney removed because he had kidney cancer; lung cancer; and a heart by-pass. It’s good to see that he’s survived all that and is still in business.

When I got home, I reorganized one of my closets after years of just putting more and more stuff into it. I may work on the dresser in the guest room tomorrow in anticipation of my sister staying with me for a while. She’ll need someplace to put her clothes.

And this evening was spent reading more in my new book for nearly four hours. I’m about halfway through it now and obviously took a break to update the blog.

So that’s about it for this Saturday evening…

Sad.

That’s how I felt right out of bed this morning. It was really odd. Not depressed (I think). Not angry. Just sad. And a bit emotional.

I swear, if my reflection in the mirror whispered, “Boo!” I would have been in tears. And considering that I haven’t shed a tear since the beginning of this journey, perhaps it’s time.

And the sadness lasted pretty much through the entire day, much like the gray clouds that have been hovering overhead for much of this week.

I think I may be coming to terms with the fact that this could be bigger than I have thought it was all along. Even when the surgery is a success, I’ll still have cancer in my thoughts for the rest of my life. Will it come back? Will it appear elsewhere? When can I call myself cancer-free? Five years? Ten years? Ever? What will I have to give up in order to increase my chances of remaining cancer-free?

So what does one do to shake the sadness? Shop.

I ran to Jungle Jim’s market to pick up the Christmas goodies that I usually bring to my sister’s house, and a few extra things for me leapt off the shelves and into my cart. Just like Christmas shopping on Day 28. 🙂

So if red wine helps prevent prostate cancer and dairy products feed prostate cancer cells, does having wine and cheese turn into a zero sum game? Do they cancel each other out? Just wondering…

The next chapter in my “Surviving Prostate Cancer” book talks about the effect of diet on prostate cancer. Red meat and other sources of animal fat (e.g., cheese) are big no-no’s. Fruits, vegetables, grains—all good guys. (Back to that “What will I have to give up to remain cancer-free” question.)

The “tease” on the book is from USA Today: “The ultimate book on the No. 1 men’s disease in the world…should be in every man’s home.” I’m only through three chapters of the book, and I’m beginning to see why they said that. It’s well-written and quite thorough.

Guys, if you have a history of prostate cancer in your family, you should check it out because you’re at higher risk than most. (It was only $11.55 on Amazon.com, and, no, I don’t get a commission!) Getting through the remaining nine chapters will be my goal for the weekend.

Enjoy yours!

Snow. Shoveling snow at 6:30 AM. Ugh.

I was supposed to meet a friend for breakfast at 7:00 AM and we knew that it would be a little iffy with the forecast. Sure enough, there was about three inches of snow on the ground this morning, and that was enough to postpone our meeting, so I was out shoveling it off the drive before heading to work.

I stayed up reading my new book, “Surviving Prostate Cancer,” a little later than I should have been—11:45 PM—but it’s a very informative book. I made it through about 85 of the 575 pages. You’d think that I would be tossing and turning all night, digesting what I had just read. I didn’t. It was a good night’s sleep.

I’m still waiting to hear back from Dr. Indy concerning the follow-up questions that I sent to him at 9:30 AM Tuesday morning (it’s now 7:00 PM Thursday night).

I forgot to mention that I called the American Cancer Society hotline the other night and spoke to a very nice young woman. Of course, they can’t give out specific guidance on medical treatment, but she pointed me in the direction of more information on their website.

At work, I’m beginning to get things lined up for me to be out 6 weeks (with time off for the holidays in that number). Making contact lists, step-by-step instructions for some of the quirky things that I do, etc. I also approached one of my neighbors (with a snowblower) to see if he would be willing to clear my drive if/when it snows during the 4 weeks after the surgery that I’m not supposed to lift anything. He kindly agreed. (THANKS!!)

After work, I returned home to another inch of snow on the driveway, and a foot or so of snow piled up where the plow went by. So I ended the day just as I had begun it—shoveling snow. Ugh.

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Oh. I forgot. An administrative note… If you leave a comment using the “Anonymous” feature, it’s truly that unless you leave a clue for me to figure out who you are… Location… Initial(s)… Of course, you may be intentionally trying to drive me nuts… And that’s okay, too!