Day 51 – Y2K Rerun

On By DanIn Prostate Cancer1 Comment
Think back 11 years ago to December 31, 1999 and how everyone was stockpiling things in anticipation of the world coming to a halt as we knew it because computers around the world would crash, wreaking havoc upon all civilization… My shopping cart at Kroger this morning looked a bit like that of one of those panicky Y2K-ers.
I stocked up on all of the essentials in anticipation of my being housebound for two to three weeks. All of the items were nonperishable (paper towels, Kleenex, laundry detergent, etc.) or canned goods. I’ll hold off on buying fresh foods till Monday morning. Now, if I need someone to run to the grocery store for me, it will only be for a few fresh things—loaf of bread, bunch of bananas, etc.

About 4:00 PM yesterday afternoon, I called Dr. Cincy’s office to confirm the surgery preps one last time, and I asked if Dr. Cincy could call me at his convenience sometime between then and when he stuck a knife in me next week. The last time we talked, I felt as though we left the lymph node removal discussion open, so I wanted to make sure that he and I were on the same page (remove them).

At 9:00 AM this morning, my home phone rang and it was Dr. Cincy calling from his home to answer my questions and review what was going to be done during the operation. Yes, I selected the right surgeon.

We had remarkably warm weather here today—in the mid 60’s!! On New Year’s Eve!

I cleaned the salt and dirt out of the garage from the snow that melted off my vehicles, and I ran one of them through the car wash. Of course, an hour later, it’s getting rained on. Oh well. At least all the salt and road grime are off it.
I decided to make a dry run to the hospital this afternoon just to be sure that I knew the tricks of how to get there, much like an expectant father rehearses before the delivery. Don’t expect a birth announcement, however… “Dan delivered a 45g tumor at 3:45 PM…”

Finally, it will be a quiet New Year’s Eve here, and that’s the norm for me. I’m not much of a reveler when it comes to ringing in a New Year. Turn on the television about 5 minutes before the big moment, watch the ball drop in Times Square, and call it a night. Woo-hoo! 🙂

I wish everyone a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2011!
Happy New Year!

Day 50 – Green Light

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All systems ”Go.” The CT scan, X-ray, and physical all came out fine, so I’ve been given the green light to go ahead with the surgery next week.
You would have thought coming out of the doctor’s office after the physical, that I would have been relieved and upbeat. I wasn’t expecting the, “Oh, s**t, this is really happening… SOON!” reaction. It was as though someone instantly turned up the anxiety knob. My life is about to be irreversibly changed forever. Oh crap.
I try to remember the key four-letter word in that last paragraph: Life. I’m doing this to extend my life as long as possible, but the reality of all of the changes that will be coming make keeping that perspective a challenge.
That said, as the surgery grows closer, I am being optimistic about the outcome, but I’m also being pragmatic about it as well.
To me, the surgery is only the first step in becoming cancer-free. Just because the prostate is yanked out doesn’t guarantee that I’ll be cancer free. The same thing applies to any lymph nodes that may be taken during the surgery. The only thing the surgery will tell us is how far the cancer has gone, and we’ll have to wait a week or so to get the pathology results back on the prostate and lymph nodes before we even know that answer.
Even if the pathology comes back negative for positive margins (meaning no cancer cells at the incision point), or if the lymph nodes are negative, I’ll still have another step to take before knowing that I’m cancer-free. That’s waiting the 8-12 weeks for the post-surgery PSA test.
So while I’m confident the mechanical part of the surgery will go as planned without complications, you probably won’t see me popping champagne corks or doing a little celebratory jig until sometime in April.

You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t commented much about my sleeping pattern lately. That’s because it’s actually been quite good. Except for one weird thing.
On those nights when I do wake up in the middle of the night, nine times out of ten (check my spreadsheet!), it’s between 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM (mostly between 1:00 AM and 1:30 AM). Weird, huh? I think so.

It doesn’t seem to be tied to running to the bathroom or what time I go to bed; nor can I think of any external influence that’s causing it—furnace kicking in, neighbor coming home, train passing through town three blocks away, etc. It’s not every night that it happens, but when it does, it’s usually at that time. In fact, two nights I rolled over and looked at the clock and it was 1:09 AM. Both times. (Cue the “Twilight Zone” theme…)
The good news is that I can fall back asleep in short order after looking at the clock and saying, “One o’clock again…”
Just a meaningless observation…

Day 49 – More Running

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The appointment I had this morning was with my local urologist, but his office here in town was booked this week, so I had to drive the 50 minutes to see him in his Cincinnati office.
We chatted about the differing views that the surgeons had regarding the lymph nodes and he agreed with Dr. Cincy—take ‘em out and make sure there’s no cancer in them. (I didn’t tell him which doctor recommended what.)
We also talked about some intermittent discomfort I’ve been having in my back near the left kidney (the one that produced the kidney stone almost six years ago). He ordered an x-ray and CT scan just to take a look and see. If there is any sign of a kidney stone, they would want to deal with that before doing the surgery.
He asked if I could do the scan this afternoon, and I said, “Yep. This is at the top of my priority list right now.” However, I was looking forward to playing in Cincinnati this afternoon. He scheduled the scan back here at the hospital at home, so that meant driving the 50 minutes back to get the scan.
Fortunately, the Radiology department at the hospital wasn’t busy, and I was in and out of there in less than half an hour. The CT scan technician hinted that he didn’t see anything, but the radiologist would review the scans and have the results tomorrow.
After the scan, I returned home for lunch. As I sat there, munching on my spinach and spring greens salad (turning over a new dietary leaf!), I thought, I’m going to go out and play. Back in the car and back to Cincinnati to do the things that I planned on doing before the CT scan got in the way.
So now I’m back home to a pile of stuff that I’ll tackle in the morning before my final pre-surgery physical tomorrow afternoon.

Day 48 – Errands

On By DanIn Prostate Cancer3 Comments
Today’s emotions were a bit like the weather: Sunny and bright in the morning, giving way to clouds in the afternoon.
I started the morning running a few errands. First, paying and mailing another medical bill; second, running to the bank to deposit a check; third, calling the surgeon’s office to confirm the instructions for the day before; and finally, a run to the pharmacy to drop off two prescriptions that I’ll have to take the day before the surgery.
The call to the surgeon was a kicker. In a nutshell, I’m not supposed to have ANY solid food AT ALL during the day before the surgery. No breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snacks. I forewarned her that she’ll have one grumpy-assed patient on her hands on the day of the surgery. She laughed. The other fun part is that I get to repeat the “internal cleansing” that I did for the colonoscopy. Yippeee!
After lounging around in my new robe all day yesterday, I knew that I had to formally cancel the scheduled surgery date with Dr. Indy. His assistant coincidentally called just as I was sitting down to write the e-mail to her. I think she was a bit miffed, but so was I. If a doctor never answers your follow-up questions, it’s time to find a new doctor.
I had lunch at home and then headed to Indianapolis to take advantage of some of the post-Christmas sales. Macy’s had a deal on t-shirts and underwear, so I picked up some new t-shirts and really loose boxers that will accommodate my extra plumbing better than my thongs. (Just checking to see who’s really reading this thing!! 🙂 Of course, with that visual, you’ve probably been blinded and won’t be able to read another word.)
So after getting the essentials taken care of, I headed off to Best Buy and one of the malls to see what kind of trouble that I could get into. That’s when the emotional skies turned from sunny to gray.
You all know me. Normally when I shop, I hesitate because I haven’t done my Consumer Reports analysis before making the purchase (see section on surgeon selection). That’s just me. But now, I hesitate before purchasing anything for a different reason.
I hesitate because I ask, “What if… What if the cancer doesn’t go away?” It’s not a strong feeling. It’s not a dire feeling. It’s just one of being practical. “Do I really need this…? Will I be able to use it?” I hate that I think in those terms, even if only for a few seconds. I’d much rather think, “What’s the user rating on this product? How many stars did it get?”
You’ll be happy to know that I just muscled through those feelings and bought what I wanted this afternoon, cancer be damned! 🙂 As one friend reminded me, “I’ve never seen a funeral with the hearse towing a U-haul trailer filled with money.” You can’t take it with you, right?
Besides, what I bought was something practical and will be used whether I’m cancer-free or still fighting this: new cookware. My old set is nearly 17 years old and the non-stick coating just isn’t functioning the way it should any longer.
I’ve got some more pre-surgery tests tomorrow and a physical on Thursday. If those go well, then we’re on for next week. And I’ll have to admit that the anxiety level is beginning its slow but steady climb. That’s to be expected.
So that’s it. Time to un-box my new cookware.

Day 47 – Quiet

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One of the gifts that I received for Christmas (by request) was a new, big, fluffy bathrobe for use in the hospital and around the house afterwards. Of course, I had to take it for a rigorous test spin when I got out of bed this morning. I wore it all day. All freakin’ day. 🙂 It works great!
That meant today was a day of total relaxation. No calls. No lists. No organizing. No cleaning. Not even checking the mail. Just lounging around in my robe, getting caught up on reading some magazines, watching a little Food Network, and even taking a little cat nap in the middle of the day.
All good things must come to an end, however. When I went to get dressed to go to the market, I couldn’t find my wallet. Full panic ensued.
I tore apart my home office, bedroom, utility room, truck, both bathrooms, and even went through the trash and dirty laundry. It was nowhere to be found. I knew that I had it with me for the trip back from my sister’s yesterday—I took money out of it to pay the toll on the highway—so I knew it had to be here someplace.
Then I remembered… I had gone into the living room to make a phone call last night and forgot that I took it out of my pocket when I sat on the sofa. There it was on the coffee table. Crisis averted.
So now that I found it, I can head off to the market and restock for the week.
Tomorrow, I’ll get back into the preparation mode.

Day 46 – Home

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As I was pulling out of the driveway Friday morning to drive to my sister’s house, I noticed an envelope leaning against the front door. I put the truck in park, hopped out, and grabbed it. It was a FedEx from Dr. Indy’s office. I tossed it on the passenger’s seat, put the truck in reverse, and forgot about it until I checked my mailbox when I returned home this evening. There was a brown envelope also from Dr. Indy’s office.
I’ve yet to look at either, and probably won’t until tomorrow.
Christmas with the family was fun, although I’ll have to admit there were a few moments where I really had to force myself not to go down the “woe is me” path. Watching a three-month old baby experience her first Christmas was a great way to get my mind on happier things. (Plus, it can be a hoot watching all the adults interact with the baby, too.)
In any case, I’m safely back home, putting all the gifts away, and mapping out what has to be done over the next week or so. I have a couple of pre-surgery appointments later in the week, and then I should be ready to go. In theory. The closer I get, I’m sure the anxiety level will increase.
For privacy reasons, I won’t post the exact details of the surgery here on the blog. I’ll send out an e-mail with that information later in the week.
Oh. And my apologies for my poor punctuation on my Christmas greetings (cleaned up since originally posted). I used my phone to do the posts and apparently there’s some compatibility issues with posting to the blog from a phone. (Hey, worrying about punctuation means I’m not worrying about cancer or surgery for a few seconds… )

Day 43 – Tests

On By DanIn Prostate Cancer1 Comment
Today began with a drive to the hospital where I’m having surgery for some pre-surgery tests: EKG, blood work, and urine screening. Of course there was one more round of medical history questions. “When was the last time you stubbed your little toe? When was the last time you had a hangnail?” Okay, maybe not quite that bad. But it seemed like it.
When I was done, I was completely registered for the surgery and the nurse even gave me the little plastic ID bracelet that I’ll have to wear once I’m admitted to the hospital. “Make sure you bring this back on the day of the surgery,” she instructed me. Wow. I guess I just show up, put the bracelet on, get undressed, and lay on the stretcher. I guess that’s efficient.
The rest of the day was spent making sure everything was in place at work for my extended absence.
In the evening, I went to the local watering hole here in town to meet up with an old boss of mine and a few others for a holiday beverage or three. My former boss left the company seven years ago and took a job in North Carolina. It was good to get caught up and hear some of his funny memories of working here.
Well, it’s almost 9:00 p.m. and I should get things organized for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Day 42 – Preparation

On By DanIn Prostate Cancer1 Comment
Today was a productive day getting organized for being off work for six weeks. I was able to pull some reference material together, contact lists, etc., for others to refer to while I’m out. I also had an interesting phone call this afternoon with a gentleman from another of our locations.
He needed an assist with something he’s working on, and as we were wrapping up the conversation, I asked what his timeline was for a response. I mentioned that I would be off work on January 4th for surgery and would try to get something to him before then. He inquired about the surgery and when I told him that I had prostate cancer, he opened up. He had been through the same surgery 3 months ago. He shared his story with me and I really appreciated having another patient’s perspective.
I also had to call the FMLA/Short-term Disability (STD—could they possibly not think of a better acronym???) administrators to get that paperwork rolling. The person on the other end of the phone showed little compassion. When she asked why I needed to be out on leave and I told her that I had cancer, she didn’t even bat an eye before tabbing to the next field in her database. Perhaps you become numb hearing everyone’s ailments all day long and my expectations are too high.
Tomorrow morning I have an appointment at the hospital for an EKG and some blood work; next week I have two appointments for more pre-surgery screening.
Hopefully everything comes out okay and no one stomps on the brakes to delay the surgery.
Finally, there were no real doubts about my decision today. No second-guessing. No buyer’s remorse.
Time to throw a load of laundry in the washer and get ready for Christmas Eve at my sister’s.