• Family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors come through when you really need them the most, and for that, I will be forever grateful.  Thanks everyone!
• I can’t control events, but I can do my best to control how I react to them.
• Fear and anger consume far too much energy that should otherwise be spent on getting better.
• I had to be my own advocate, researching as much as possible to be an educated patient.
• There was such a thing as doing too much research, and that I had to just stop at some point and make decisions with the knowledge that I had.
• Humor—however misguided or irreverent—had to be a part of the cure.
• This wasn’t all about me.  Those around me reacted differently and I needed to recognize, understand, and embrace that by being sensitive to their needs.
• Patience is a virtue (although not easily practiced).
• Talking openly about cancer makes it easier to deal with having cancer.
• There is no shame in having cancer.

Warm.  But not from a fever.  From the wonderful 65 degree weather here!  Time to open some windows.

Again, no fever through the day, so that’s reassuring that things are getting back to normal.  Also reassuring was the fact that the discomfort in my groin continues to decrease. 

I find that there’s a little more spring in my step as I walk (I still can’t walk at my normal “supervisor sprint” pace that I’m used to), and that standing up from a seated position is getting easier.  I’m also having fewer incontinence episodes when I stand (still requires deliberate effort to make that happen, but it’s happening!).

So it’s time to get away from the keyboard, open some windows, and perhaps even enjoy a bit of the evening outside before the sun sets.  Ciao!

Back in the groove.  Just about.

It was a good day at work today, getting back into the swing of things.  Fortunately, I had only one meeting today and having the extra time to get caught up and kick off a new project was good. 

I haven’t had a temperature above normal since 10 PM Sunday night, so that’s a good sign.  Perhaps I had a bit of a bug; lots of people say there’s one going around.

The discomfort in my groin is still there, though, but it is decreasing.  I’m beginning to think that perhaps all the new activity was the cause of some of it.  But I still won’t rule out fluid build-up quite yet.

Interestingly, I didn’t hear from the doctor today, which makes me wonder if he got my note from Sunday night.  I’ll call tomorrow just to let him know what’s been going on (and to see if his staff delivered the message).

Hard to believe it was six weeks ago tonight that I was coming out of surgery recovery asking for a ribeye steak.

Apparently I was really anxious to go to work today, because for some reason I woke up around 4 AM and couldn’t fall back asleep.

I made it to my office on time and got settled in after not having seen it since 23 December.  It actually was a pretty productive day–along with some of the “Good to see you back at work!” socializing that went on.

I did last the entire day, which was a good thing.  Although, I’ll have to admit that I’m a bit zonked from the early wake-up time and from just being up and about.

As far as the fever is concerned, my temperature has been at or below normal since 10 PM last night.  That’s good, too.

The discomfort in my groin was less today than it was yesterday, and that’s another good thing.  By the end of the day, though, I could tell that it was beginning to come back.  But this discomfort is a little different than yesterday’s.  It’s more in the area of the drain holes, and I’m wondering if all the walking that I did through the building is what’s caused the increase. 

It seems pretty mild when I’m sitting, but when I walk I can feel it more.  And when I walk, my speed is limited because the faster I go, the more discomfort there is.  I suspect that my muscles just aren’t used to the activity.  Walking through my house is not nearly the same as walking through our facility.

So I’ll continue to keep an eye on things and document changes as they occur.

So I’m wondering if this is really behind me.

After posting yesterday’s comments, my fever returned and peaked at 99.7 early last night.  So far, since midnight, the highest it’s been is 99.0.  That’s moving in the right direction.

The other thing that’s been bugging me is this discomfort in my groin.  Initially, I thought it was from the drainage tube opening, but now I’m not so sure.  I’m wondering if it’s lymph fluid building up again.

The one thing that hasn’t happened yet is an increase in incontinence.  When I was in the hospital with the infection, the fluid was putting so much pressure on my bladder that I had little control over it.  I’m really hoping that I don’t return to that state again if the fluid is building up.

Needless to say, this makes going back to work tomorrow questionable.  I’ll play it by ear, and I’ll also contact the surgeon to let him know what’s happened since pullng the drain on Thursday.

Even with all that going on, I did manage to run out and buy some new pants today (I’ve lost 20 pounds since the surgery).  The weather has been great–sunny, warm, and in the upper 50’s.

What a goofy day. 

Actually, it probably started last night.  I was a bit concerned because I was running a slight temperature (max of 99.6) and I thought, “Not again.”

I turned the lights out around 10:30 PM and fell asleep pretty quickly.  Being up till 3 AM the night before probably had something to do with that.  I slept well and each time that I got up to use the bathroom (twice), I checked my temperature.  It was hovering right around 99.0.  I’d fall asleep easily and, the next thing you know, it was 10 AM.

So far through today, my temperature has remained below 99.0.  That’s good.  I’ll keep monitoring it to make sure there are no signs of the infection returning.

Based on that little scare, I just took it easy around the house today.  I did run to Kroger to stock up on groceries for the week.  That’s been about it.  I may try to run out for some fun tomorrow–the weather is supposed to be quite nice–mid 40’s.

And speaking of weather, the groundhog was right.  When I went to check my mail this afternoon, there was a robin sitting on my lawn.  Spring is on its way!!

It’s funny.  After six weeks of wandering around in a bathrobe or sweats and t-shirts, putting on jeans and a regular shirt for the first time is odd.  And constrictive.  I wonder if I can modify the dress code at work for my return…  Hmmm…..

This morning I went to work to drop off my return to work form with my boss and I spent just over an hour wandering around saying hi to people.  It was good to see them all again.  I’m ready for the interaction with real people on a regular basis once again.  Sitting in the house alone for this long does get on one’s nerves just a bit.

After wandering through the offices, I went to lunch with a friend to get caught up with her.

Last night was another sleepless night.  I think I was so excited about the freedom from tubes that I just couldn’t shut off my brain.  I started to think about all the things that I can do again, both outside of work and at work, and that just kept me going until about 3 AM.  Ugh.  I hope that excitement is behind me and I can get into a regular sleep pattern once again.

As far as the drainage tube site is concerned, it’s closing up and beginning to heal.  I’ll have to admit that this one seems to be a bit more tender than the first one that was removed for some reason.  I’ll keep an eye on it. 

I’ve also been keeping an eye on my temperature: 98.6.  Let’s hope it stays that way through the weekend and beyond.

I’ll wrap up the day with dinner at the local Mexican restaurant with friends in a short while.

Happy Weekend!

Finally!  For 33 of the last 38 days, I’ve had some additional plumbing coming out of my body.  The surgeon pulled the last drain out of me this afternoon.  Woo-freakin’-hoo!  This will be such a relief.  Now, let’s just keep our fingers crossed that the fluid doesn’t build up again now that the drain is out.

He wanted me to return in a month for a routine follow-up exam.

While there, I did specifically ask him whether or not the undetectable PSA level meant cancer-free, and he said yes.  I also asked about the chance of recurrence.  Given the particulars of my case, he said there’s an 80% chance that I’ll be cancer-free at the 10 year point.  That wasn’t necessarily a surprise to me; I had read the long-term statistics in my research.

Of course, that means there will be a little cloud hovering over me for the rest of my life, but I don’t plan on letting it rain on my parade.  It’s just something that will always be there.

Finally, the surgeon also gave me the green light to return to work next week.

Before heading to the doctor, I had lunch with a friend from work at one of the local watering holes.  (And, yes, I skipped their home-brewed beer.)  It was good to get caught up with him.

This day was spent just doing odds and ends around the house in preparation for the possibility that I’ll return to work next week.  None of it was anything spectacular–just washing linens and other laundry; cleaning bathrooms; and turning my bedroom back into a bedroom rather than a recovery room.

The output volumes for the drain are still pretty flat, so we’ll find out tomorrow whether they’re good enough to pull the drain from my groin.  I hope so.  But I also don’t want another setback, so if it has to stay a while longer, then so be it.

At the beginning of this journey, I spent many nights tossing, turning, and getting very little sleep.  Once I made the decision on the surgeon, the insomnia pretty much went away.  Until last night.

I’m really not sure what happened yesterday.  Perhaps the good news of an undetectable PSA got me fired up and looking forward.  When I went to bed at the usual time, I just couldn’t fall asleep.  I tossed, turned, and finally gave up around 2:00 AM, turning on the TV to distract me for a while.  By 3:30 AM, the lights and I were both out.

I posted yesterday’s post a little earlier than usual just to share the good news as soon as I got it.  I didn’t mention that I ventured out for a short while yesterday afternoon to run to the bank, drop some bills off at the post office, and get a haircut. 

Boy, did I need a haircut.  (Yes, even with as little hair as I have, I still needed one desperately.)

That was the one thing on my pre-surgery checklist that I didn’t get to.  The last time my hair was cut was mid-December.  After nearly two months, it was over my ears and very scruffy on the back of my neck.  I couldn’t stand it any longer.

I feel so much better today because of it.

I had a couple of coworkers stop by for a visit at lunch today.  It was good to see them again and get caught up on some of the happenings in my absence.