Today’s emotions were a bit like the weather: Sunny and bright in the morning, giving way to clouds in the afternoon.
I started the morning running a few errands. First, paying and mailing another medical bill; second, running to the bank to deposit a check; third, calling the surgeon’s office to confirm the instructions for the day before; and finally, a run to the pharmacy to drop off two prescriptions that I’ll have to take the day before the surgery.
The call to the surgeon was a kicker. In a nutshell, I’m not supposed to have ANY solid food AT ALL during the day before the surgery. No breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snacks. I forewarned her that she’ll have one grumpy-assed patient on her hands on the day of the surgery. She laughed. The other fun part is that I get to repeat the “internal cleansing” that I did for the colonoscopy. Yippeee!
After lounging around in my new robe all day yesterday, I knew that I had to formally cancel the scheduled surgery date with Dr. Indy. His assistant coincidentally called just as I was sitting down to write the e-mail to her. I think she was a bit miffed, but so was I. If a doctor never answers your follow-up questions, it’s time to find a new doctor.
I had lunch at home and then headed to Indianapolis to take advantage of some of the post-Christmas sales. Macy’s had a deal on t-shirts and underwear, so I picked up some new t-shirts and really loose boxers that will accommodate my extra plumbing better than my thongs. (Just checking to see who’s really reading this thing!! 🙂 Of course, with that visual, you’ve probably been blinded and won’t be able to read another word.)
So after getting the essentials taken care of, I headed off to Best Buy and one of the malls to see what kind of trouble that I could get into. That’s when the emotional skies turned from sunny to gray.
You all know me. Normally when I shop, I hesitate because I haven’t done my Consumer Reports analysis before making the purchase (see section on surgeon selection). That’s just me. But now, I hesitate before purchasing anything for a different reason.
I hesitate because I ask, “What if… What if the cancer doesn’t go away?” It’s not a strong feeling. It’s not a dire feeling. It’s just one of being practical. “Do I really need this…? Will I be able to use it?” I hate that I think in those terms, even if only for a few seconds. I’d much rather think, “What’s the user rating on this product? How many stars did it get?”
You’ll be happy to know that I just muscled through those feelings and bought what I wanted this afternoon, cancer be damned! 🙂 As one friend reminded me, “I’ve never seen a funeral with the hearse towing a U-haul trailer filled with money.” You can’t take it with you, right?
Besides, what I bought was something practical and will be used whether I’m cancer-free or still fighting this: new cookware. My old set is nearly 17 years old and the non-stick coating just isn’t functioning the way it should any longer.
I’ve got some more pre-surgery tests tomorrow and a physical on Thursday. If those go well, then we’re on for next week. And I’ll have to admit that the anxiety level is beginning its slow but steady climb. That’s to be expected.
So that’s it. Time to un-box my new cookware.