Okay. I originally planned this to be last month’s post when I stumbled across the linked article in early December, but I had second doubts about the topic during the holiday season, so here it is this month. I hope you had a great holiday season and that 2025 is off to a great start for you and your families.
No one likes to talk about dying. It’s a topic most people try to avoid at all costs, but it’s eventually going to happen to all of us no matter how hard we try to avoid it. Sadly, because we don’t want to talk about it, we’re also less likely to plan for end-of-life decisions and that certain eventuality.
In this very poignant article, the author wrote about her conversations with her father about his end-of-life desires after he appointed her with medical power of attorney. These conversations went on for over twenty years, and one of the key takeaways for me was that his desires evolved over time. Those changes made having ongoing conversations even more important.
I Had To Choose Whether To End My Dad’s Life. Here’s How I Made That Unthinkable Decision.
It’s never too early to have these conversations. Last summer, a friend lost his 47-year-old brother and another friend lost his 44-year-old brother-in-law. Both passed quickly so no one in their family had to make a similar end-of-life decision, but no one was expecting either to happen. Two of my elementary and high school classmates also passed away last year, one from prostate cancer.
Following my mother’s lead, I’ve created a binder with the nuts-and-bolts information needed to manage and dispose of my estate when the time comes (important when you’re single), and I review it quarterly to make sure it’s current. But I haven’t reviewed my medical power of attorney since it was written in 2006. It’s time to do that to make sure it’s aligned with my current thoughts and desires. Of course, determining my current desires is an important first step, and I’m guessing they may evolve over time and circumstances, just as they did in the article.
Yes, talking about our own demise isn’t fun and isn’t comfortable. But clearly expressing our desires now could lessen the burden on family members and eliminate guesswork when the time comes, especially when they’re in a heightened emotional state.
That’s a win for all of us.
Header Image: Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve, San Diego, California
Dan's Journey through Prostate Cancer 
Very good article Sir . I hate thinking of my death….but need to make sure my boy and wife do well . Thats what Alpha men do I gather …. My PSA after surgery 3 years ago starting to go up VERY Slow . Got Salvage ( EBRT) about 2 years ago . After a year of PSA bounce my PSA glided down from 0.14 to now 0.031 now . Happy about that ! But watching close . Also started taking FenBen 3 times a week . GO ahead said my GP ” it wont harm you and has that’s a good anecdotal evidence that there is some efficacy with prostate cancer but human trials are a long way away because it doesn’t make money.” God Bless to all ! James from Vancouver Island ( Now in Caribbean for the next month or so )
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Hi Dan, I have just finished reading a book written by Rachel Clarke titled “Dear Life”. She is a Doctor here in the UK and works now in a hospice. Her own father was a surgeon and he died of cancer aged about 75. I think having prostate cancer has helped me face up to my mortality and even though I found it in part a difficult read there was also a lot of positives I took from the book especially her explanations of how most people die and how most people fear dying in great pain which need not be the case but is sometimes their experience if they are not being treated correctly. I have recently updated my will and I have a Power Of Attorney covering both finances and care. This may be dealt with differently in the USA as the laws will be different. I am considering drafting an Advance Care Directive which makes it clear what should or should not be done in terms of medical treatment. This Advance Care Directive is covered in the book and would prevent doctors from trying to bring me back from a death from say my heart stopping. I have bought a cotton sheet to be wrapped up in and cremated in and I have bought a funeral plan. These all take the decision making burden away from my loved ones at the time they would be emotionally least resilient to deal with. It also gives me a sense of control and peace that I have taken action. Living with Prostate Cancer has shattered the illusion I and so many of us live under that we are immortal and that is one meagre silver lining to having to live with prostate cancer. Here in the UK there are no assisted dying options enshrined in our laws whereas I know that in the USA – or at least some of its States it is. It’s a failure of our democracy as most polls show overwhelming support for assisted dying but our politicians repeatedly vote against it. An option which a growing number of our citizens take is to go to Switzerland where they can drink a large amount of barbiturates and die in clinics set up to supply the service. To do it you must be able to make your own way there – so that your friends and relatives cannot accompany you for fear of being criminally charged with assisting your suicide – and take the drink yourself. This means some people need to go there sooner than they might have to if it was legal in the UK. It is surprising sometimes the way we humans can hold two incompatible or mutually exclusive ideas in our head, usually a schism between the head and the heart. kind regards Charles
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