Every weekday, I pass by here on the way to or from my office, getting a not-so-subtle reminder, “Hey! You need to make a decision, yahoo!” A few weeks ago, that nagging voice carried a bit of weight. Today, not so much.
In fact, I’ve taken the ostrich approach over the last few weeks—burying my head deep in the sand, ignoring anything related to The Decision. I haven’t actively researched diddly-squat and that’s been liberating. I know that’s not a productive approach to the situation at hand, but I’m okay with that for now.
The best explanation that I have for being in this weird state of indifference and inaction is a simple one: I’m mentally exhausted from constantly thinking about this. I just needed to shut it down for a while.
I know I’ll have to get back in the groove someday (after the 1 August PSA test?), but for now, I’m enjoying the denial and the break.
8 thoughts on “Day 2,770 – In a Weird Place”
Sounds like a wonderful plan. Let it all simmer for awhile.
As someone who is scientifically qualified in Biochemistry, naturally curious about all sorts of topics, introverted, I know I have been spending way too much time investigating and reading about prostate cancer since I was diagnosed last year. My Oncologist advised me to leave all that to him and just to get on with my life, but that would be contrary to my nature.I do think he is correct, but I find it difficult to follow his advice. All forms of advice tend to come in digital form.”Know thy enemy” vs “let it be” etc I don’t think choosing one over the other is right for me. But I do think I need to be aware of my physical and emotional reaction to what I am doing. It is tiring, mentally and physically to invest so much energy in researching the topics associated with prostate cancer. So why do it? An illusory feeling of control through knowledge I think. I think I need to be able to dip in and dip out of researching prostate cancer topics. For me that would mean cutting down or even temporarily cutting out the Email alerts from various prostate cancer sites.Maybe I should follow your lead. I will think about that. What else would an introvert do!
In my view that is the Right decision as your situation is now You are alive and well. Live!.
Maybe this will give your subconscious time for deep thought and clarity will be revealed in due course.
Enjoy this respite!
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Getting comfort from following your story. It always seems to be “what is the next step”
That’s one thing about this particular dark passenger; it doesn’t easily lend itself to restful thought. Tomorrow is another day. Soldier on!